Like so many other people, I have been in a toxic relationship with fitness programs for the past few years. I’ve stopped and started more than I want to remember, obsessively rocking myself, counting calories, and feeling close to tears when the results don’t appear right away. With each freshly broken challenge, my body awareness has decreased. The endless cycles of motivation, commitment and failure were exhausting.
During the pandemic, I tried various programs in the hopes that after society opened up, I would come out new and improved – and inundated with compliments. Most of all, I just wanted to be able to say that I finished something and gave it my all.
Finally, I decided to take part in an online fitness challenge from Black’s own brand, Active Fitness. I found her Instagram page at the end of 2020 and was impressed by how representative her customer base was. Women of different sizes and shapes, working towards different goals, posted pictures of their exercises, recipes and experiences. Seeing real women talk about the issues I was struggling with made me feel less alone, and the motivation they received from the brand and other members convinced me to buy the program.
Even then, I left it for six months before finally settling on the plan in May 2021 (the “winner” of which received a cash prize) because I was so nervous to commit. The thought of disappointing myself again was almost unbearable.
At some point I took the courage to face the challenge. However, from the moment I started it was different. A requirement of the regime was to regularly upload photos of exercise and food in order to build self-confidence and physical strength. This responsibility was unlike anything I’d ever done or tried before. In the past I would hide and do my exercises on my own, so it felt strange to put on my video camera and record myself. As I set up my phone, propped it up with rocks, and spread out my yoga mat to start the first day, I felt empowered. When I watched the video again before posting it on the Instagram page I created for the challenge, I felt like a thousand eyes were watching me. I knew then that I owed it to myself to meet this challenge.
On the second post, I connected with another participant who was also part of the challenge. She left a comment under one of my posts complimenting me on my form and that little encouragement was exactly what I needed. Contact with people was not the aim of this challenge, but it made me feel validated for the first time on my journey and less alone.
I started following other people’s challenge, determined to give encouragement and support where I could. Although this originally started as a competition, I just wanted to do my best and exalt the other women who are committed to their health and fitness. I knew the competition wouldn’t take me through the challenge, but creating a support network would. Knowing that I was in such good company also enabled me to finally step off the scales as progress.
The high I was riding stalled when I got sick halfway through the program. My body refused to move and I had a fever. I felt the old feelings reappear as I toyed with the idea of just quitting again. It was my newfound community that persuaded me to keep the faith.
Just because I ran into a roadblock didn’t mean my trip had to end. As soon as I was fine, I was welcomed back to the Challenger team with open arms – congratulations on the decision to continue the Challenge after a short and much-needed break.
Over the years I’ve wondered why I was struggling to commit and complete a program. Now I know that I am the type of person who needs this sense of community, who lives from supporting and being supported. Even if I don’t win the main prize of the challenge in the end, I have won a more important trophy – community and self-confidence. I am grateful that I was allowed to receive and give encouragement.
